Political Chimera

I have come to realize over the past year or so, after starting college and moving to the deep South, that not only have I completely changed my political affiliation, but I am in an extremely unique position.

I was raised by Republican Conservatives.  My father's family went to a Southern Baptist "white" church that I went to much of my childhood, and my mother's side was (and is) extremely socially Conservative.  I was raised to believe, by my mom, that I was better than black children because I was white.  When I kissed a little black boy at the ball field, I remember her coming and taking me away and telling me, "We don't kiss little black boys." Even though my mom left when we were very young and we grew up with my dad (who was a hippie and not racist, thankfully, but still hopelessly right-wing), I remember her going to a black girl's house and picking my sister up when she went there to spend the night with her girlfriend, who had a brother.  Because of course, black teenage boys can't control themselves around white girls.  -Insert eye roll here-

These are overt, obvious forms of racism, but as I have grown up and looked back, they were certainly more covert ones.  "Lock your doors if you go into Richmond."  "There's a difference between country black folk and n*ggers."  That sort of thing.  In any case, even coming from that background, I had already started to question what my parents, mostly my mother if I'm fair, had taught me.  I remember I had a very smart black girl in my high school history class.  I remember looking at her and thinking, she's definitely smarter than me.  But, I flew my stars and bars, I was "proud of my heritage" and considered myself a "redneck", but I didn't hate anyone.  I believe I wasn't racist.

I got accepted to Virginia Tech mid-way through my senior year of high school.  I remember my dad saying, "That's great, how are you going to pay for it?"  He then brought home the VARNG recruiter; at the time, the Virginia Army National Guard was paying 100% in-state tuition, and my dad was also Guard, so it seemed like the best idea at the time.  I went to Basic Training, which was step 2 of my de-indoctrination.  For 9 weeks I lived in a large room, with 30 or more bunk beds and 63 other females.  I was sharing showers, meals, and bed time with women from all over the world; blacks, Hispanics, Pacific Islanders, Indians, etc.  It was an eye-opener and I became acutely aware of my own ignorance after telling the Indian girl, "Don't you know we are at war with your people?"  -Facepalming myself - But more than that, I had black drill sergeants.  And I respected them.  They had been to Iraq, they had been to Haiti, Bosnia, they were strong, they were smart, and I wanted to prove myself to them.  I met a Hispanic boy, a Mexican from California, and I fell in love.  I became the first person in my family to marry someone who was non-white, and the first time my mother met him, she said: "Ashley, is he black?"

This isn't meant to be a parable of my entire life, but I am acutely aware, after examining my life, of instances that changed me, and how I developed my first political and social beliefs.  When I was old enough to vote, my mother said, "We vote Republican.  They want to put God back in schools, they are against abortion, and against gay marriage."  I remember it clearly.  And it worked, I went to the polls and I voted for John McCain.  I was fiercely pro-life, I had a child by this time, and couldn't imagine anyone killing a baby.  Obama was black, but I remember saying, he has no experience, that is why I don't want to vote for him, and McCain is a veteran.  We are at war, and we need a veteran.  Maybe the fact that he was black subconsciously affected me, but it was more the former.  In any case, I never stopped to question my political affiliation after that until last year.

I did, however, change other views.  For one, I became pro-choice.  Being in the Army, I saw people become parents who were not mentally or emotionally mature enough to do it.  Military supervisors get very involved in their Soldiers' lives, we are expected to, unfortunately, and I saw many Soldiers with young wives who started families or married someone who got pregnant and I remember thinking, some of these people shouldn't have kept these babies, their lives are miserable.  My oldest son was born with a birth defect; he required a triple organ transplant at 9 months old.  My life, at 20 years old, was changed by taking care of him.  I don't think he would have been better off aborted, Lord no.  But I saw children in waiting rooms at the hospital who were brain dead, deformed, completely unconscious of their own being and in constant pain.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't think, in these cases, I wouldn't blame a woman for not keeping her child.

I also became an atheist.  It was a slow evolution (get it, evolution?) But, it began with the anthropology class I took in school (I went online while I was active duty).  Science disproving much of what the Bible had taught was one thing, but then my Grandmother died from cancer.  I remember praying and praying and praying to God not to take her, and He still did.  I still feel the need to capitalize those...sad.  In any case, the point was driven home when a friend of mine, whom I met on the internet, lost her son.  He had the same birth defect as my son, and he got the same transplant.  We kept in touch on Facebook, and unfortunately, his transplant did not take.  The organs never worked properly, and he passed away.  I was upset, my son had not transplanted yet and I was afraid for him.  I called my mother, who told me, your son will not die, he has a lot of good people praying for him.  So I said, well so did her's.  And she said, yes but you have GOOD people praying for him.  Come again?  That didn't make any sense for many reasons, but neither did most of what I had been taught at Church, and so reason won out on those arguments.

These two fundamental changes in my outlook on the world in turn changed my political views, but I didn't recognize it until the recent election.  My first major was Political Science, and one of my first college courses after I left the Army was American Government.  Imagine my confusion when the Republican party was presented as the one who promotes wealth for large corporations and large tax cuts for the nation's wealthiest.  Why then, I asked, do my parents vote Republican?  They are working class.  My professor asked, "Are they white?"  Well yes, I'm white dear.  Clearly they are.  "Are they Christian?"  Yes.  "There you go."  The more we examined the party's platforms, I began to see the reality of her statements.  I remembered my mother's words: "We vote Republican because they want to keep God (Christianity) in schools, they are pro-life, and they don't want to let gays get married."  All of these social views are rooted in their Christianity, but more importantly, their desire for everyone else to follow it.  It took longer to understand white privilege and the other racial and sexist undertones at work within the party, but it was at this point that I knew I definitely was not a Republican anymore.

During the 2016 election, I paid more attention.  I didn't like Hillary Clinton, I still don't.  I didn't like her character, her condescending attitude to an African reporter who asked her husband's opinion on something, to which she replied: "My husband is not secretary of state, I am."  I did wonder about Benghazi, initially, until I researched it.  In any case, she wasn't an appealing option.  My family was excited about Trump; an outsider, who they believe speaks for the working class, and doesn't feel like he needs to be "politically correct" about it.  I say white working class, but of course, they didn't see it that way, though it was obvious to me.  I watched one of his speeches.  It was empty of meaning, vapid, little point or direction, just blabber.  Empty promises, no substance.  I pinned him as a con early on, but my family was besotted.  Then I saw Bernie Sanders speak.  Every single social, economic, and political issue I had pin-pointed on my own during my American government class as being a huge problem, he hit dead-on.  It was like we read the same text book (The American Anomaly, check it out).  I supported him from then on and have seen few platforms of his since with which I do not agree wholeheartedly.

Today, I find myself mostly liberal, and left, but able to still see myself from a right-wing voter's perspective.  I think this means perhaps, in my ramblings and musings, I may be able to explain one side to the other in a way that might, just might, bring about some understanding.  Tune in if you're interested in that sort of thing.